Gender specific Communication?!

Every human being is a unique creation of God, though there are trends in the world we can watch to see if there are some general characteristics how most men and most women communicate.  This is very dangerous to do this, therefore a warning to everyone reading this, not to generalise and categorise your spouse or friend, because as I have said, everyone is unique and may differ from the general population’s characteristics of communication. I for one don’t fit all the characteristics as outlined below.  But this all been said, there are some traits common to most men that differ from the traits common to most women.

argumentMost men are task-oriented, while most women are relationship-oriented. An example: After a long day the wife begins to share how frustrated she feels trying to balance the demands of a part-time job, the discipline of the children, and the upkeep on the house. He wants to solve her problem and begins to develop a strategy and a schedule to let her to work more efficiently – jumping into his time management mode. She however wants him just to hold her and to understand her frustration, not to solve her problem. She sees him as insensitive. He sees her as undisciplined. And an opportunity for close communication is lost.

Most men use most of their communication to solve problems, while most women use conversation to build relations. For example: Two men walk out to their trucks after a hard day’s work, and the truck of one will not start. They will discuss the clogged injector, the dead battery or the broken fuel line. Their conversation will revolve around their efforts to get the car started.  Most women in return in the same circumstances will most probably talk on how they feel about the situation.

The primary part of communication of most men is to share information. For most women, the primary part of communication is a sharing of emotion. An example: A man says, “This is what is!” and a woman says, “This is how I feel about what is!” I have to admit, that there are many men who are able to share their feelings freely and yes, there are many women who are very much factual.

Asking questions means different things to men and women. Most men ask questions for one purpose only: To gather information. For most women, asking questions serves two purposes: One is to gather information but sometimes some women will also ask questions when they already know the answers. Why? They want to show interest in what the other person has said to cultivate the relationship.

Most men want headlines, while women want the fine print.  Men: “Give me just the facts please,” while most women will say, “Explain yourself to me.”

Most men speak for report, while most women speak for rapport.  For example: Most men wants the details so that he can find a solution, while most women wants connection so that her relationship can be enriched.

Men and women often differ in the way they manage people and give orders at work. Several well-respected studies have shown most women tend to soften their demands and statements, whereas most men tend to be more direct. Most women, for example, use tag lines, phrases like, “don’t you think” following the presentation of an idea, “if you don’t mind” following a demand or “this may be a crazy idea, but” preceding a suggestion.

The whole idea of communication is to try to understand each other. Let people talk, listen carefully, listen and ask questions until you understand what they said and what the deeper meaning might be for them.