We are created to have relationships. God’s heart desire is not only that we enjoy a personal relationship with Him … but that we develop and experience loving relationships with others. However, our sinfulness often gets in the way.
The first example of negative communication ever in the world can be found in Genesis 3:9-12 when Adam talked to God, and can be paraphrased to illustrate the point: “I heard You seek to communicate with me, but knowing I had disobeyed, I was afraid You wouldn’t love me anymore. It seemed better to hide so You couldn’t see the truth. Actually, it’s not my fault! The companion You gave me caused the problem.” Adam began acting out sin by seeking to meet his needs for love, for significance and for security in the way he thought best.
Why is it so difficult to have healthy communication? In healthy, mature communication we share our inner-self to someone who cares. Whenever somebody close to us shows any rejection, we may learn different ways to hide our fears and self-doubts. We may not be aware of the destructive habits that were often formed in childhood and that stayed with us into adulthood. It takes just a few memories to remind us of the words we heard as kids – like a hand around the throat – clenching around the neck. When we form communication based on our early experiences, it can go wrong in communication. Yet they remain established responses that block honest and sincere communication with others. 1 Corinthians 13:11
How not to heal from communication-scars of the past:
- Mistake: I will receive love if I hide my faults, stuff my feelings, look good, become popular, give gifts, flatter those around me and am always willing to please or help others.
- Mistake: I will have significance if I deny my failures, seem superior, dominate, judge and criticize others, point out faults, perform well, get attention or impress others.
- Mistake: I will be secure if I hide my fears, deny my anger, avoid conflict, shade the truth, withhold trust, dodge vulnerability, need certain conditions and, above all, stay in control.
Philippians 2:3–5 “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus.”
Tomorrow more about the mistakes.
How to heal from communication-scars of the past.
We have to ask ourselves: Am I allowing God to meet my emotional needs for love, for significance and for security? Am I resting in the assurance of my God-given self-worth? When I know that I have all I need in Christ, my heart becomes free to focus on the needs of others. Only then will Christ communicate His sincere love through me. Search your own heart. Are you free to love others or are you still in bondage, trying to get your own needs met through self-focused, hidden agendas? Jeremiah 17:9