Childhood hurts and Anger – Is there a Connection?

Many of us assume that once we reach adulthood, our pain from childhood will just disappear and no longer affect us. But this disappearing act does not happen unless we identify our past pains from childhood and resolve them. While we are not the sum of our experiences, we are shaped by our responses to our experiences even from childhood.

Crying child


God does not want us to store the bad things that happened to us by stockpiling our anger. Rather, He wants us to be like a storehouse where we get rid of the bad fruit and store up the good fruit. Matthew 12:35 “The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in him.”

How to resolve the anger rooted in childhood?

The next time anger wells up in your heart or uncontrollable tears stream down your face, ask yourself …

  • Am I feeling hurt? (My ideas have not been accepted).
  • Did I ever have these same feelings when I was a child? (When my father was not proud of me because I wasn’t a good athlete, I felt hurt).
  • How did I feel when my father made it known that he wanted a son who was athletic? (I felt a deep sense of rejection).
  • Face the anger that is still in your heart because of the hurt you experienced in your childhood, perhaps by feeling rejected by your father.
  • Ask God to reveal buried hurts from your childhood.
  • Ask family members and close friends to notice what situations seem to hurt you and make you angry.
  • Acknowledge that your prolonged, unresolved anger is wrong, even if you think it is justified.
  • Take personal responsibility to overcome your childhood hurts.
  • Surrender your hurtful childhood experiences and feelings to God.
  • Ask forgiveness from those whom you have offended.
  • Forgive and pray for those who have rejected you.
  • Pray for God to fill you with His unconditional love for others.

If your heart yearns for love and acceptance, remember …

“Praise be to God, who has not rejected my prayer or withheld his love from me!” (Psalm 66:20)

“Many are the woes of the wicked, but the Lord’s unfailing love surrounds the man who trusts in him.” (Psalm 32:10)

“How priceless is your unfailing love! Both high and low among men find refuge in the shadow of your wings.” (Psalm 36:7)