Are you unsure about someone who is significant in your life? Is it possible that you are in a relationship that others would call “codependent”? If so, how would you know? Take the Codependency Checklist:
- Do you struggle with feeling loved; therefore, you look for ways to be needed?
- Do you want to throw all of your energy into helping someone else?
- Do you say yes when you really want to say no?
- Do you feel compelled to take charge of another person’s crisis?
- Do you feel drawn to others who seem to need to be rescued from their problems?
- Do you have difficulty setting and keeping boundaries?
- Do you find it difficult to identify and express your true feelings?
- Do you rely on the other person to make most of the decisions in your relationship?
- Do you feel lonely, sad, and empty when you are alone?
- Do you feel threatened when the other person spends time with someone else?
- Do you think the other person’s opinion is more important than your opinion?
- Do you refrain from speaking to keep peace?
- Do you fear conflict because the other person could abandon you?
- Do you become defensive about your relationship with the other person?
- Do you feel “stuck” in the relationship with the other person?
- Do you feel that you have lost your personal identity to “fit into” the other person’s world?
- Do you feel controlled and manipulated by the other person?
- Do you feel used and taken advantage of by the other person?
- Do you plan your life around the other person?
- Do you prioritise your relationship with the other person over your relationship with the Lord?
If you responded with a yes to four or more of these questions, you may be involved in a codependent relationship! Remember, this questionnaire is just an indication, this is not the alpha and omega of all codependency assessments.
When we find ourselves in unhealthy patterns of relating, we need to change our focus, change our goals, and change what is hindering us from running the race God has planned for us. Our primary focus should be not on a person but on Jesus.
Hebrews 12:1 “Let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.”
Someone asked: Can I marry someone with emotional baggage? You can be a knight in shining armour and rescue a damsel in distress. But once you have rescued her and she goes on with her life, she might not value you as a person – only as a rescuer. This all been said, people change and the grace of God can transform us. You want to be wanted because you are loved, not because of emotional unhealthiness. Someone who is emotionally healthy can love you out of strength and will be able to accept you unconditionally and offer you security in a relationship. Someone who is emotionally needy is typically self-focused and limited in ability to be sensitive to the needs of others. Emotionally needy people are more often “takers” than “givers” in relationships and “use people up” emotionally. Seek someone with emotional maturity and spiritual wisdom, someone who can help you to grow more and more in your relationship with the Lord. Proverbs 13:20 “He who walks with the wise grows wise.”