Look at Your Past Love Relationships

Past love relationships may play a big role in existing codependent relationships.  How do you evaluate the extent thereof?

One effective way to confront codependent love relationships is to write about it. Putting your life on paper is not easy, but until you are ready to take a close look at your love addiction, you cannot expect to change it. Write down the history of your codependent love relationships. Make a list of every person with whom you have had a codependent relationship. Think through your family and friends. Put each name at the top of a separate page and then answer the following questions for each relationship:

  • How did you meet and how were you attracted to this person?
  • How did you pursue and draw this person to you?
  • How did you feel and what did you fantasize about this person?
  • How do you think God felt about your choices?

Realise that the Lord is ready to meet your deepest emotional needs. Yet, when we live with misplaced priorities, the Bible says we commit spiritual adultery…“I have been grieved by their adulterous hearts, which have turned away from me, and by their eyes, which have lusted after their idols. They will loathe themselves for the evil they have done and for all their detestable practices.” (Ezekiel 6:9)

  • How did the relationship progress through various stages (Fascination, Fantasy, Fog, Fear, Forsaking, Fixation, Frenzy)?
  • How did you feel in each stage?
  • How did you act during each stage?
  • How did you fail to involve God in your life during each stage?

Realise how ready the Lord has been to intervene…“When I came, why was there no one? When I called, why was there no one to answer? Was my arm too short to ransom you? Do I lack the strength to rescue you? By a mere rebuke I dry up the sea, I turn rivers into a desert; their fish rot for lack of water and die of thirst. I clothe the sky with darkness and make sackcloth its covering.” (Isaiah 50:2–3)

  • How did you become preoccupied with the relationship?
  • How did you start neglecting yourself and start focusing on taking care of the other person?
  • How did you come to expect that person to meet all of your needs?
  • How did you start neglecting God and when did you stop relying on Him?

Realise how ready the Lord has been to make you fruitful…“I had planted you like a choice vine of sound and reliable stock. How then did you turn against me into a corrupt, wild vine?” (Jeremiah 2:21)

  • How has this relationship replicated your painful childhood experiences?
  • How were you mistreated in the relationship and how did you react?
  • How does the relationship impact you today?
  • How is God replacing (or wanting to replace) your self-destructive, love-addicted patterns with constructive, healthy, holy patterns?

Realize how ready the Lord is to “re-parent” you in order to meet your deepest needs and heal your deepest hurts…“Though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will receive me.” (Psalm 27:10)

  • How have you experienced fear, envy, jealousy, abandonment, and anger in the relationship?
  • How did you assign a higher priority to this person than to everything else?
  • How have you made the person the focus of your thought life?
  • How can you appropriate “the mind of Christ” in order to overcome destructive feelings and to live out of your resources in Christ?

Realise how ready the Lord has been to give you His thinking.…“We have the mind of Christ.” (1 Corinthians 2:16)

  • How do you feel about the person and the relationship now?
  • How has your perspective changed?
  • How did things, people, and circumstances become factors in changing your perspective?
  • How do you think God has been involved in changing your perspective?

Realise how ready the Lord is to complete His perfect plan for your life.…

“Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 1:6)