The Making of an Abuser

Has someone implied that you are abusive? If so, and if what has been said has a kernel of truth to it, do you want to change? In order to heal from the wounds of the past, you need to face the fact that your past was painful. Then acknowledge and seek to understand the painful impact those wounds have had on your relationships, both past and present. At this point, you can courageously choose to face the areas in your life that need healing … or you can refuse to do so and remain a victim of your past … and continue to make others a victim of your past as well. “Heal me, O Lord, and I will be healed; save me and I will be saved, for you are the one I praise.” (Jeremiah 17:14)

Evaluate your own childhood. What were your relationships like during preschool, public school, and adolescence? What feelings do you remember? Were you usually sad … glad … mad … scared?

Possible experiences that could lead to abuse:

  • Some type of abuse by one or both of my parent.
  • Felt “different” as a child.
  • Felt belittled or bullied by your schoolmates.
  • Stuffed your emotions.
  • Learned your parents’ ways of maintaining control.
  • You didn’t have a safe place to express your feelings.
  • You thought that “your normal” was normal, but it wasn’t.
  • You never dealt with your underlying feelings of anger.
  • You never developed sensitivity to the feelings of others.

As children, abusers usually felt singled out. They felt that they were different in several of these areas: Too short or too tall; Too fat or too thin; Too dark or too light (skin colour); Physical features too large (nose, ears, feet); Physical features unwanted (freckles, acne, buckteeth, hair colour); Athletically challenged (awkward or uncoordinated); Academically challenged; Physically challenged (disabilities, poor eyesight, hearing problems, or speech difficulties).

“Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?” (Matthew 6:27)