Steps for Recovering Abusers (1)

There is hope for a person who verbally and emotionally abused others. It will take work to recover, but it can be done. A few last steps to recover from an abusive lifestyle is to manage your anger and learn self-control.

Anger management is mandatory.

People who have difficulty with anger control may express their anger in two ways. If you vent your anger at someone else, your anger is explosive, but if you keep your anger bottled up, your anger is implosive. Explosive anger is outwardly abusive, while implosive anger is inwardly abusive. Both are damaging to relationships. God does not condemn our feelings of anger, but He does require that both kinds of anger be expressed appropriately. “In your anger do not sin.” (Psalm 4:4)

Self-control techniques are essential.

  1. Discover your trigger points: Be aware of when you are feeling irritated or aggravated. Take note when a sudden feeling of anger explodes in your mind. Listen to yourself and realise when you are behaving badly, performing poorly, or snapping at those close to you. Stop! Take a few moments and give yourself time to discover the source of your anger. “Get wisdom, get understanding.” (Proverbs 4:5)
  2. Restrain angry thoughts and actions: Turn your thoughts toward Christ: Lord, may I have Your peace. Count to 10 before you respond. Walk away and then come back after your feelings are under control. Take a “time-out” for 15 or 20 minutes, if necessary. “Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret – it leads only to evil.” (Psalm 37:8)
  3. Choose the right time and the right way to express your feelings: Train yourself to keep a lid on your anger until your agitation is calmed. Try to see the situation from the other person’s point of view. If you are angry at another person, ask, “Is there a time when we could speak about something important to me?” If you have anger turned inward, talk with a friend and seek an objective view of the situation. “An angry man stirs up dissension, and a hot-tempered one commits many sins.” (Proverbs 29:22)