Steps for Recovering Abusers (2)

Not only has the recovering abuser to deal with anger in his/her life, but also look back into your family background and do restitution.

Anger management is mandatory.

Self-control techniques are essential.

  1. Discover your trigger points
  2. Restrain angry thoughts and actions
  3. Choose the right time and the right way to express your feelings
  4. Be aware of your early family background: Read about and recall your early family dynamics. Did you discover that it was not safe to express anger? Did you learn that explosive anger was a means of control? Have you now learned to see your family through the eyes of an adult? “When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.” (1 Corinthians 13:11)
  5. Begin absorbing truth: Pray for the Lord to reveal to you how He sees you – the person He created you to be before abuse marred and changed you. He will do this with love. Pray for the Lord to reveal His love for you. Acknowledge that you have God-given worth. Don’t let others define who you are. Read through the Book of Proverbs beginning with Proverbs 8. Write out all the verses pertaining to anger that are relevant to you. “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” (Proverbs 15:1)
  6. Come to Christ, seeking His help with a sincere heart:
    1. Confession: “I admit that my behaviour has been wrong and has hurt others.”
    2. Repentance: “Relying on the strength of God, I will change my behaviour because I truly desire to please God.” “If you repent, I [God] will restore you that you may serve me; if you utter worthy, not worthless, words, you will be my spokesman.” (Jeremiah 15:19)
    3. Forgiveness: “God, I thank You for Your willingness to forgive me in spite of my failure to honour You.”
    4. Acceptance: “Jesus, I receive You as my Lord and Savior and give You control of my life. Thank You for being willing to adopt me into Your family.”
    5. Substitution: “I am willing to give up control of my life in exchange for a new heart and a new life in Christ.” “Rid yourselves of all the offenses you have committed, and get a new heart and a new spirit.” (Ezekiel 18:31)
    6. Restitution: “Lord, reveal the names of those to whom I owe a sincere apology. I will go to them and ask forgiveness for my inappropriate and hurtful behaviour.”
    7. Cleansing: “God, I thank You for Your promise to cleanse me and to remove all my sins and unrighteousness.” “Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin. For I know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me.” (Psalm 51:2–3)