The Link between Rejection and Anger

A person with much anger said the following: “My father died six years ago, but I’m still having trouble dealing with the anger I’ve had toward him. He favoured my brother, but treated my sister, my mother, and me like second-class citizens. I tried to please him with my achievements, but we never communicated and he never really recognised my accomplishments. How can I stop being so controlled by my anger?”

Anger has four sources: hurt, fear, frustration, and injustice. The anger described in this example comes from at least three of the four anger sources. The rejection this person experienced is very hurtful. Seeking to please him and never achieving recognition is extremely frustrating, and being treated in a negative way simply because the victim was a female is most unjust. The truth is that his treatment had nothing to do with the victim, but everything to do with him. He was the one in the wrong. His inadequacies let the victim down. Recognise this truth and turn loose of expectations regarding him. This victim has to admit that her father was unable to love and accept him simply for being her father. The victim has to choose to forgive and release her father to God so that her anger does not produce bitterness in her own heart. “See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.” (Hebrews 12:15)