Not-So-Obvious Causes of Feeling Rejected

Just as there are obvious reasons for people to feel rejected, there are also hidden or not-so-obvious reasons. These not-so-obvious causes are not easily identifiable because sometimes they are shrouded in secrecy. At other times they are sins of omission rather than commission. Whatever the reason, not-so-obvious or covert rejection cuts just as deeply as obvious reasons, if not deeper. Because these tactics go undetected, and therefore unchallenged, victims are left even more devastated. However, since God sees everything, nothing escapes His eye – especially those things concerning each of us, whom He carefully crafted. “From heaven the Lord looks down and sees all mankind; from his dwelling place he watches all who live on earth – he who forms the hearts of all, who considers everything they do.” (Psalm 33:13–15).


  • Absence of nurturing – Feeling neglected because of a lack of attention or affection. “There’s a hole in my heart because I didn’t feel loved.”
  • Addictions – Feeling ignored because of an addiction (examples: alcohol/drugs, compulsive spending, inappropriate sexual behaviour, gambling). The addiction is prioritised above the relationship. “Despite what you say, I know that (the addiction) is more important to you than I am.”
  • Broken promises – Feeling unimportant because of a continual lack of commitment. “I’m not worth anything to you – you keep your word to others but not to me.”
  • Comparison – Feeling inferior because of always being measured against others. “I have no intrinsic value.”
  • Cliques – Feeling unworthy because of being excluded from a group. “I am not good enough to be accepted.”
  • Critical spirit – Feeling emotionally battered because of the relentless judgmental attitudes of others. “I can never measure up to your standards.”
  • Death/critical illness – Feeling forgotten because of being left alone (especially in the case of suicide). “Why did you have to leave me?”
  • Discounted emotions – Feeling pushed aside because what comes from your heart is dismissed. “What I feel isn’t important to you.”