Building Trust, Saving Marriages and Growing Healthy Families
I believe that when a relationship feels stronger and safer, one gains confidence in all areas of life. We use a combination of empathy, patience and a deep focus on attachment to collaboratively reconnect you into positive relationships. Learning to speak the Language of the Heart you will absolutely see a life changing and rebalancing to your world.
- I recognise the central importance of relationships in the well-being of individuals, couples, families, and communities.
- I focus on people’s strengths and possibilities, while addressing their real life problems.
- I want to help you break the negative cycles in your relationship and discover a deeper, more fulfilling connection with your partner or family members.
- I seek to engage the best in you, your partner, your family, and your life.
- From that place, I address the frustrations, stress, pain, and/or difficulties that you are experiencing.
EFT is usually a short term (8-20 sessions), structured approach to couples therapy formulated in the early 80’s by Drs. Sue Johnson and Les Greenberg. Since then, Sue Johnson has further developed the model, adding attachment theory to further understand what is happening in couple relationships and to guide therapists in helping them. EFT is also used with families and individuals. A substantial body of research outlining the effectiveness of EFT now exists. Research studies find that 70-75% of couples move from distress to recovery and approximately 90% show significant improvements. The major contraindication for EFT is on-going violence in the relationship. EFT is being used with many different kinds of couples in private practice, university training centres and hospital clinics and many different cultural groups throughout the world. These distressed couples include partners suffering from disorders such as depression, post traumatic stress disorders and chronic illness. Please click to view articles and books on EFT.
Strengths of Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy
- EFT is based on clear, explicit conceptualizations of marital distress and adult love. These conceptualizations are supported by empirical research on the nature of marital distress and adult attachment.
- EFT is collaborative and respectful of clients combining experiential Rogerian techniques with structural systemic interventions.
- Change strategies and interventions are specified.
- Key moves and moments in the change process have been mapped into nine steps and three change events.
- EFT has been validated by over 20 years of empirical research. There is also research on the change processes and predictors of success.
- EFT has been applied to many different kinds of problems and populations.
Goals of Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy
- To expand and re-organize key emotional responses – the music of the attachment dance.
- To create a shift in partners’ interactional positions and initiate new cycles of interaction.
- To foster the creation of a secure bond between partners.
An Example of the Change Process
In a therapy session, a husband’s numb withdrawal expands into a sense of helplessness, a feeling of being intimidated. He begins to assert his need for respect and, in doing so, becomes more accessible to his wife. He moves from “There is no point in talking to you. I don’t want to fight.” to “I do want to be close. I want you to give me a chance. Stop poking me and let me learn to be there for you.” His wife’s critical anger then expands into fear and sadness. She can now ask for and elicit comfort. She moves from “You just don’t care. You don’t get it.” to “It is so difficult to say – but I need you to hold me – reassure me – can you?”
New cycles of bonding interactions occur and replace negative cycles such as pursue-withdraw or criticize-defend. These positive cycles then become self-reinforcing and create permanent change. The relationship becomes a safe haven and a healing environment for both partners.
For more information go to the ICEEFT website